i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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