I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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