But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
