No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
