Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
