THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
