Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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