dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
