I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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