just come out here and I will go home with you...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
