I will die if light touches me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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