I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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