My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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