i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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