Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
