How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
