we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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