Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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