My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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