oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
