This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
