Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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