Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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