this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
