i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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