the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
