My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
