I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
