Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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