I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize