I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
