dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
