I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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