What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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