I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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