I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
