what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
