the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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