ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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