I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
