that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
