Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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