I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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