Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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