If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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