i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
