Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
