I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
