when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
