Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize