Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
