Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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