At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
