I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
