can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
