That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
