No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will be naked everywhere
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
