You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
