please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
